JennaSayQuoi

21 Jul 2009

14 Jul 2009

Text Dump (2)

At nearly 60, Cher has been lifted up and dumped more times than a suburban skip. She’s part of the old brigade, the facelift fascists who subjected their bodies to unthinkable surgical abuse in an attempt to stay young.

The next generation, our generation, say ‘enough already’. Certainly enough facelifts. It’s not that we are shying away from cosmetic surgery as such, it’s just that not since the medieval chastity belt has man devised anything quite so barbaric to keep women in their place.

It shows the incredible pressure on women to stay young that we even considered subjecting ourselves to having our skin peeled away from our flesh, lifted then stretched tighter than Tessa Jowell’s credibility.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-380758/Why-facelift-fell-fashion.html
Ever wondered what he goes through? I’ll reveal the male view on getting the heave-ho.
I have been dumped more times than a drunken surfer with a middle-ear infection at spring tide. And, like that inebriated fool, I routinely brush off the emotional equivalent of gravel rash and once again dive headlong into the turbulent waters of romance in search of the perfect wave.
http://trodd-thabang.livejournal.com/2610.html

What a twonk. People dying in the world of cancer and he’s sobbing over a chair. ‘kin muppet. toeragboring little titgit

10 Jul 2009

Mock the Week - Series 7 Ep 1

“And the answer is…” round:

50 Nights

Gina Yashere: Is it how long does it take me to build my IKEA wardrobe?

Hugh Dennis: Is it if an MP spent one night in a hotel, how many nights would he claim for?

Frankie Boyle: Is it how much of a start Steven Hawking will be given at this year’s London Marathon?

….

Russell Howard: Is it how many nights a year does the Queen sneak away to do karaoke… under the alias of Big Momma?

Frank Skinner: Is it how many night shifts would you have to do at B&Q before you dismissed life as a grotesque pantomime?

Frankie Boyle: Dogs often go to fetch help when their master is in trouble. How long would it take before you cat gave a shit?

Russell Howard: Is it how long would it take for Nick Park to film a Wallace and Grommit porno?

Frank Skinner: Hold on, I haven’t done a funny one yet. Is it… generally speaking… what separates… 51 days?

——————————

[about Michael Jackson]

Andy Parsons: 13 of his singles are in the Top 40. So the Spice Girls, they know what they’ve got to do!

Frankie Boyle: I didn’t even know this… he was a Jehovah’s Witness! That’s like the least weird thing about him. I bet when he went to the Jehovah’s Witness meetings, he pretended not to be in. *pretends to be looking through keyhole* It’s Michael, turn the telly down!

Frank Skinner: Although he did look like the sort of person who wouldn’t have a blood transfusion, didn’t he?

———————————

Frankie Boyle: He left his kids to Diana Ross?!

Frank Skinner: Let’s all do it. Let’s all do it in our wills. It’ll be like rick-rolling

Russell: It WOULD be great if we did leave everything to Diana Ross. If everyone in the world got together, just anything, like a BUGLE or a FLUTE. So she’d be sat there going, “This is ridiculous. I feel like I’m in the middle of a chain reaction.”

Hugh: Do you think in the middle of parenting, she says, “STOP! … in the name of love.”

Frankie: Isn’t it funny that as his dancing deteriorated his skin got whiter and whiter?

8 Jul 2009

Gems from Digital Spy (6)

IS BIG BROTHER’s RODRIGO GAY?

He’s the campest specimen of a human being I’ve ever seen. Maybe he’s a pre-op transexual, or a post-op? He’s got a laugh that could strip wallpaper.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showpost.php?p=33589979&postcount=12

Straight in Brazil. Bisexual in England. Gay in the bedroom.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showpost.php?p=33589984&postcount=13

He’s definately a blower of the pink oboe. Just hasn’t joined the orchestra yet. And more power to him!

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showpost.php?p=33590048&postcount=17

He makes Stephen Gately look like Rocky Balboa. He’s a moody mare who minces about like Mr Humphries. He’s beyond camp.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showpost.php?p=33590058&postcount=18

Well Ive known them since we were at nursery, so unless they had cruel parents who chopped off their dangleys with garden shears, I would assume they are male.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showpost.php?p=33590230&postcount=26

I would have thought it obvious that he’s gay. He’s not interested in girls except to gush to and play dollies with.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showpost.php?p=33599636&postcount=34

as bent as a butchers hook

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showpost.php?p=33600142&postcount=35

8 Jul 2009

Funny youtube comment

Youtube comment by quartertwit:

“Considering that they didn’t even bother to inform us who had voted for who last night, it’s clearly evident that even a retarded shit-throwing simian would be more adept at editing this travesty of a reality TV programme.”